DID A HORRIBLE HORRIBLE PERSON MAIL YOU GLITTER RECENTLY?
HAVE PEOPLE BEEN TELLING YOU YOU’RE GLOWING LATELY?
YOU MAY HAVE GLITTERRHEA!
GLITTERRHEA IS A SERIOUS & CONTAGEOUS GLITTER INFECTION THAT MAY LEAD TO LONG TERM PSYCHOLOGICAL EFFECTS IF IT’S NOT TREATED IN TIME. IF YOU OR A FRIEND ARE SUFFERING, WE CAN HELP!BUY ONE OF OUR SERVICES:
BASIC / $45
GLITTER-EATING SNAILS
THIS RARE SPECIES OF SNAIL FEASTS ONLY ON GLITTER. EACH PACKAGE COMES WITH 3. SAFE TO USE ON FACE, AND OTHER PARTS OF YOUR BODY IF YOU’RE INTO THAT STUFF.
PREMIUM / $150
GLINT ROLLER
GLINT: NOUN: A SMALL FLASH OF LIGHT. THIS LINT ROLLER USES PATENTED TECHNOLOGY SPECIALLY DEVELOPED AFTER THE JANUARY 2015 GLITTER BOMB ATTACKS.
ULTRADOPE / $650
THE TWINKLE TRASHERS
A TEAM OF 3 EXPERTS DEVOTED TO REMOVING EVERY LAST PIECE OF GLITTER FROM YOU & YOUR STUFF. EQUIPPED WITH SPECIAL MICRO TWEEZERS!
BUY A SERVICE PACKAGE NOW!
CLICK HERE!
CLICK HERE!
WANNA CHEER UP A GLITTER BOMB VICTIM?
BUY THEM A BROCHURE!
BUY A BROCHURE AND WE'LL ANONYMOUSLY MAIL IT TO YOUR FRIEND -- OR TO THE ENEMY YOU GLITTER BOMBED EARLIER, LOL! EVEN BETTER! JUST FILL OUT THE FORM BELOW.
TESTIMONIALS
“My crappy band tried to up our live performance game with a glitter cannon which backfired, showering us in a million little sparkly monsters. Glittergone’s glitter-eating snails really get into every nook and cranny. I can proudly say that today we are glitter-free! Thanks Glittergone!”
“The snails were so cute! So I kept them as pets haha. Pls send me glitter bombs so that I can keep them alive…”
“As executive assistant in my office, I had to clean up after my boss got 5 separate glitter bomb attacks. I used glittergone.com and they were so good I couldn’t tell that bastard, “that was the best they could do” because they are the best.”
“The pamphlet they sent over to help us get over the ordeal was just what I needed. I’m back with my boyfriend now!”
“LOL omg the escargot made my poop glittery. It was amazing! Best food delivery service ever!”
“My psycho ex-girlfriend glitter bombed me hard. I'm talking my entire living room. My cat fucking loved it though and instead of just hair balls he was coughing up glitter balls. It was kinda cool because the glitterballs got their own solo art exhibit called "fabulous barf balls"! Sold them all for $500 a piece!”
"After finding myself the target of a particular thorough glitter bomb, I thought my life was never going to return to normal. But thanks to Glitter Gone, I can once again run errands without anyone asking why I've chosen to wear sequins to the grocer's."
GOT A TESTIMONIAL?
SUBMIT TO:
SUBMIT@GLITTERGONE.COM